Big Life Stuffs

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Empathy-2

I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I did a “regular” post. Things have been incredibly hectic and I just honestly haven’t made the time to do it until now.

I believe I mentioned in my first post that I was going to be starting my master’s degree in counseling and that I was nervous about getting back in the game and going back to school. Well, this is my third week of graduate school and I have to say that I’m enjoying it quite a bit so far. My program is small- my cohort has 15 (or maybe 16?) people whom I will get to know pretty well over the next five semesters, and they seem cool so far. My teachers all seem great so far; they’re very interesting and knowledgeable and I’m looking forward to getting to know them better and learn from their experience. I’m still having moments of intense anxiety where I worry if I’m doing the right thing and heading down the right path for me. I need to work on my confidence issues for sure. Luckily, I’m blessed to have an amazing support system of the boyfriend, family, friends, etc. They’re amazing and certainly help keep me sane. Thanks for putting up with me, guys!

Another big thing adding to my anxiety/stress levels lately is the fact that I’m starting a new job. That’s right, I’m finally going to escape the evil night shift and put my undergrad degree to use for a change. And I’ll even have my own office, just like a real grown up! I’m going to be doing counseling at a local methadone maintenance clinic. And yes, I’m pretty terrified about it. Not because addicts scare me or anything, but this a huge step out of my comfort zone. I’m not feeling totally confident about my abilities just yet, but I think after the initial training and getting my feet wet, I will (hopefully) come to enjoy it at least a little bit and feel like I’m making a difference (and not completely hate it.) It will be good experience while I’m working on my degree, if nothing else. Obviously, I’m not going to be posting a lot about this part of my life because of confidentiality and whatnot, but I did want to at least share that I might be finally moving in the right direction. I’m doing something at least, not just sitting around stagnant which is how I’ve felt for the last few years.

9cc8c3f0af23e745931d6fad8df3c0bfOne thing I definitely plan on doing once I get used to the new job and new shift is getting back on track food and fitness-wise. I am ashamed to admit that I have not been doing stellar in these areas of my life as of late. I’m fairly certain I’ve gained at least 10lbs back if not more. My clothes feel tight again, nothing feels right, and I certainly don’t feel as sexy or attractive. But hey, this has happened before. Fitness and health are something to strive for every day, not destinations in and of themselves. I’ve fallen off the wagon before. I just need to dust myself off, pick up my pride and give it a shake, and get back on track. It’s super easy to get off track and gain weight back. Getting back to it is the tricky part. I got this!

Some of my health goals as of right now (I’ve listed these before, but they’re an ever-changing thing for me, always needing revised as goals are met/not met):

  • Start running again, even if it’s just sprints a few days a week. I do it occasionally not, but not with any sort of regularity. I haven’t been doing anything with any sort of regularity lately; that’s the problem
  • Start juicing again. I felt really good when I was juicing regularly
  • Eat less processed food. Always a struggle for me, especially when I’m busy
  • Find a counselor for myself. I’ve been saying I need to do this for a few years now and I think it’s time. I’ve heard it’s a good idea for counselors to have counselors of their own and that makes perfect sense to me
  • Put together some kind of weight lifting routine
  • Try to go to a Zumba class or other group fitness class every once in a while
  • Eat less meat. I’ve sort of adopted a “weekday vegetarian” approach lately and have been eating some meat on the weekends. That probably sounds like sissy stuff to any hardcore vegetarians out there, but it’s working for me for right now and that’s what I care about. Plus I figure it’s still an improvement over eating it every day. I’d still like to get better about it, even on the weekends. It’s just tough when I genuinely like the way it tastes. Damn you, tasty animals!
  • Have sex more often. I’m sorry to my family members who may be reading this, but let’s not kid ourselves, I live with a boy so I’m obviously no saint when it comes to that. And hey, sex is a great stress reliever and form of exercise. It’s an important part of any relationship and helps keep me sane. I’m not ashamed to admit that. Bring on the frick frack!
  • Do more yoga and/or learn to meditate. I need to seriously work on my stress coping techniques and learn to manage this shit better
  • Take walks outside more often. Or just spend more time outside in general. This is my favorite time of year and I want to get as much natural light as I can before winter sets in and I get depressed from everything being cold and gray all the time. The snow is pretty and all, but that shit gets old real fast (apparently “shit” is the word of the day)

Anyways, that’s pretty much where I’m at right now. Things are moving, and even if I’m scared shitless (there it is again!), I’m glad that I’m doing something and not just sitting around waiting for things to happen anymore.

19c4e30002c3050b21d1d9469c54b206 Megamouse out!

And just to give you a laugh..
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Pretty much 😀

The Big C and the Big H.

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Is anyone else afflicted with the career indecision bug? Maybe you have a degree and don’t know why you got it or what to do with it, or maybe you’ve just been working random jobs since you graduated high school because you don’t know what else to do, or maybe you’re one of the lucky few that it just seemed to click for and you’ve got a great career and you’re happy (if this is you, you suck and the rest of us are jealous so go be content elsewhere…Just kidding! Tell us your secrets!). One thing that I’ve noticed about myself over the years is that I’m interested in a little bit of everything. Kind of like the old cliché “jack of all trades, master of none”. I really want to be a master of something, but I can never focus enough to delve deep and really get into something. Instead I tend to dabble. I’m not sure if I lack follow-through or what, but this is a behavioral pattern that I’ve noticed in my life. As fun as it is trying a variety of things, it doesn’t always feel like it’s super conducive to finding a good career to settle into and be happy. I mean, that’s what we all want, right? The big H. Happiness. Sure money is a factor. We all want the green stuff. But why? So we can feel secure and Be Happy.

Lately I’ve been trying to change my way of thinking in regards to this matter. Maybe the fact that I like so many different things doesn’t have to be a hindrance to finding a suitable career. Maybe there’s  a way that I can combine some of the things I’m passionate about and find an area to make my own.

To give you a little background, I’m starting my master’s degree in Counseling in a few months (after changing my mind many many times over the last few years, I should mention), and it was a tough decision to decide to go back to school. After previous attempts I’m still a little nervous that this isn’t the right area for me to pursue. That I won’t be good at it or won’t like it. I know I can’t expect to wake up every day feeling pumped to go to work. I don’t think that ever happens with any job.  But I do want to enjoy my job and look forward to it most days. My whole life I’ve watched the adults around me work jobs that they didn’t enjoy just to make money and get by. And so far since I’ve graduated college, that’s what I’ve been doing too. It’s ridiculous how simple it is to get sucked into a job and stay just because it’s easy. And before you know it you’ve wasted three years of your life. One of my friends (a wise and lovely lady, I might add) says that Complacency is one of her biggest fears. I love her for that. She hits on exactly what I’m talking about here. I refuse to wake up one day and realize that I’m 40 and that I’ve wasted my potential. I absolutely refuse. So, despite my trepidation, I’m going for that master’s degree (and eventually a Ph.D.) and after I’m sufficiently trained I will make therapy my own. Whether I decide to have my own practice or work in some type of community therapy setting, I know I can find my own unique way to help people.

Just in case you’re at all curious, here a few things I want to incorporate somehow in some way into my career one day, whatever the career ends up being: healthy living, exercise, stress management, I want to have a trained therapy dog to help people feel at ease and relax (and who doesn’t love dogs? If you don’t love dogs then you can get outta here, dog hater weirdo. J/k. Not really. Leave.), and so many other things. I’m not sure yet what my focus will be technique-wise. I imagine I won’t know that until I’ve had some training. I have a lot to learn. And I’m not sure how I’ll end up mixing those into my career; maybe some of them will stay on the hobby side of things, who knows (I feel like hobbies is a post all on it’s own)(wow I sure do use a lot of parentheses))))). And you know what, I could end up doing something completely different. Maybe I’ll fall into something else and end up being super passionate about it and it will take me in a completely different direction. And that’s fine too. I’m learning not to plan too much because things rarely work out how I imagine they will. And that’s okay.

Another way that I want to adapt my thinking is to learn to live more in the moment. I’m always so future-driven that I often forget to slow down and enjoy what’s around me. I get too focused on what might be instead of enjoying what is. I need to accept that this whole Life thing is a process. There’s no end result. It’s a lifetime of moments strung together, and hopefully when you’re time is up you can look back and be at peace with what you see. In the meantime, I want to enjoy those strung-together moments, to let go of the unpleasant ones and focus on the good ones. The ones that make it all worth living.

So what is it that you’re passionate about? Are you in the same boat as I am and aren’t 100% sure where your life is going? How do you handle it? Maybe you have a different way of looking at these things that I haven’t yet considered. I love talking to people so feel free to leave comments or messages.